I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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