it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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