Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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