dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
