he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
