So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
