you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
