So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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