I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
