you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
