Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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