Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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