thus making me awesome and them whores
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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