Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Randomize
