..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
