What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
