And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
May the power of my ass compel you!!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
