Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
