I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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