and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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