you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Floor bacon is actually really good
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
