we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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