I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
