; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
