Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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