ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
