i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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