we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
