i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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