Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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