got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Randomize
