i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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