oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
her facebook's as public as her vagina
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
