Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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