I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
