And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
