do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
