Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
