and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
