How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
