Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
