It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
