It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I believe in your delicious
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
