I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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