Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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