you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
