i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
