Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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