you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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