It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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