Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
