Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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