I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
