shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
