see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Randomize
