you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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