If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
two words: eviction party
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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