your room smells of hookers.
And success
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
