what day is it and did you see me today?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Randomize
