Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
