I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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