So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
