Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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