Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Do you remember whose house we're in?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
