sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
This house was built for laser tag.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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