i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
