I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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