Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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