wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
