dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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