I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
